When I started out as a medium 7 years ago on August 4th, 2004, I discovered I could let spirits write through my hands and get messages. The first message I ever wrote resembles very much an inner battle with my angel. It was very long, about 8 pages typed in small characters when I transcribed it. My concerns were immediately focused on the veracity of what was happening and if I had such claims to really be communicating with people I couldn't see. My reaction for the entire run of the message was antagonistic, angry, curious at times but mostly closed-off.
During the whole message my angel kept being calm and in full acceptance of where I was. The tone never wavered from love and never had any hint of negativity. Still, I was sure I was able to navigate between those two very different emotional state and that I was probably just making it up anyway.
I asked dozens of questions pertaining to myself and more universal concerns. There was no end or tail to what I was asking. I think I was trying to find the flaw where I could pinpoint exactly where it showed it was a sham. But the answers kept coming, using words that sometimes I didn't know the meaning, explaining things I had never read anywhere. The more I questionned, the more I argued. Eventually the communication fizzled and I couldn't get anything else for that day.
I tried again the next day and the next after that. For years I kept writing until I reached a wall.
I explain what happened to me in my blog The path of the reluctant medium. A blog that follows my journey over 45 days to gain faith back. It was my journey in the desert, the time I needed to come back. Not to where I was but further with a new understanding and a better acceptance of what inhabits me.
When I finished that blog, I thought I would be done with it, That I was supposed to stay away from the public eye. It certainly felt like it. But a few days later, I knew that it wouldn't be like so. I had more to do, just not how I thought I had to,
I am not exactly certain what direction this blog will take yet. I just know I have to embark on this journey as I had to embark on the journey to heal the lack of faith and belief. I will share what I can. I only ask of you to decide for yourself what feels right or not to you. Many teachings exist on this Earth. Those who speak of love, speak of a truth that all can feel. If what I share with you doesn't speak to you, simply let it be. Trust that you will find something better suited and adapted to your own needs.
The good thing is that when we finally find the path to the heart, we know we are on the path to Home.
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