Letting go of saving the world

Saving the world has always been a big thing for me. As far as I can remember I tried to save everything around me, be it at 5 to give my new doll that came from Holland to a neighbor or wanting to build an hospital when I was 14 to help in Africa. This followed me all my life in everything I have ever done. Anybody else was more important than me and if I could help I had to it at any cost for my own life.

I tried to heal this need many times. I went from denial to be so aware that I could barely function. I never found a way to cure it, mellow it, make it a better thing to live with. I called it my Jesus complex. My need to save without enough elevation to do so.

Early this month, my husband felt he could't breathe very well due to congestion, so I put my hands on his chest. During the process, my new guide, simply reminded me to use love and he made the link between me and my husband. I could sense an invisible hand stretching towards my husband the other on me. He simply said to go back to that feeling of love and let it do what it could do. To forget about the tecnique.

This is the message I got after 4-5 minutes of doing so.

His burden is not yours to take. You need to learn to separate yourself from the person you help. Need to learn, the impressions you get from them come in you, but you think it is for you to heal them. They heal themselves. Always. All you can do is help and give a hand in the process.


Be at peace with this part of yourself that has troubled you for years. It is not a curse to feel so much, it is if you refuse to see it's true purpose though. It can burn through you and leave you lifeless. This is why you need to calm your heart and listen to what it says deeply.


You are here to comfort, to bring peace. Not to heal. A healer you are not. The word is wrong for you. Always has been and you have clung to it for so long. You are a helper, a person who can see through the heartaches of others and help them come back from the brinks of extinction. You know deeply how this feels and this is why your body needed to live through this. Not help through your brain and thinking you know what this pain is like, but know it yourself in every cell of your being. Knowing you could fall there time and time again yourself. I will not give the word you are looking for. I know you want a term for what you are, but what does it change really?


You are here to do the work of God and that alone is the only knowledge you need about your gift to pursue it.

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I felt like crying of deliverance and relief. I am not a healer. I am  finally free of that label after all these years of prison.

When I first saw what I could do with my hands, how amazing people would feel afterwards I thought that it meant I was supposed to heal. Yet, people close to me would collaborate this, I struggled greatly as I never felt the word was right for me.

During anatomy classes for polarity, I loved coloring the drawings in the book. I felt like a child again. Once the lessons were over I forgot everything. This puzzled me. Why wouldn't I care to hold on to the knowledge? If I were a healer shouldn't I want to retain all that? But it bored me when there was no coloring to do.

I was also bored when I was doing step by step what I had learned in polarity class. I felt guilty that I let my mind wander during what was supposed to be healing time. Only when polarity became a tool of liberation, did it make any sense for me. Then I knew I was right there at the right place.


After all the jumping up and down, the elation and the happiness the message left me, something quite different was awaiting me later that day.


                                                                     * * *

I saw a bird on the steps leading to my balcony. It was not moving and I thought it was dead. I then saw it barely moved so I started panicking. I had to help, when everything inside me just wanted to leave him there even though he seemed in pain. I didn't listen to my first instinct. Not listening either to the message I had received earlier about not taking someone's burden on me. I spend 30 minutes with the bird in a 100 degree heat outside, sweating, knowing that prior to this my goal was to take a nap. Instead of taking care of myself I forgot all about me and wanted to save the bird anyway at any cost to me. I went to get water and gave him one drop at a time. Eventually he started moving and after 15-20 minutes or so started to sing just slightly, happy little chirps. But he was still miserable and I didn't understand what I could do.

It finally moved too much and fell down the stairs. I emitted a loud cry and got down the stair, I tried to put the bird on a cardboard to lift him up and bring him back on the step but it didn't work. I just broke there and started crying uncontrollably. I couldn't help the bird. He was gonna die and there was not one single thing I knew how to do. I had interfered with whatever he was doing and I hurt him more then helped him in the end.

I cried for a long time. I think everything went through. All the accumulated tension of needing to save the world I had all my life. I can't save a bird. I can't save the world. I had bonded with that bird, felt everything it felt. It almost felt like my baby. During all this time I could hear the now very familiar voice of my new guide (to know about that story you can read it here and onwards) saying to me to let go, that he wasn't for me to save.

It took a while to come back from that. Letting go from saving the world. I never thought I could ever start to heal that, ever. I thought I was cursed for ever feeling that way.

Again and again, day after day, this connection to my guide heals. It heals what I couldn't heal alone anymore. Those are the huge resistances. Not the small ones I could undo myself. I tried alone so many times. I received countless messages to help me let go. None ever had that effect.

I think the message coupled with the active experience of doing the exact opposite of what I should do did it.

Does this little bird knows somewhere he collaborated with me? That he saved me from saving the world? Is that why we come to suffer and die sometimes, apparently for no reason? For selfless purposes, to help others?

The bird wasn't dead yet when I left it underneath the stairs. The next day it wasn't there. Did he survive  or was he discarted as dead? I'll never know. I just know I had to let go and let him strive on his own. Either he would survive or not. I gave him kindness and water in a heatwave that never stops here, according to all websites I looked at, it was reckless. They all say to let them be.

This need to help others is strong in so many. I remember that in our extra classes to become a full practioner our teachers were telling us how much they always saw students losing themselves trying to help others. The need is there. The love is there. The intention is true for so many and yet how hard is it to find the balance and realize how little you can do to help someone else.

Very much so like the invisible circle of helpers around us, who help all the time but never interfer. Never tell what to do. They love, encourage, clear the mind path if it is too cluttered, but they always leave us free will. They always leave us our experience to be ours. Not meddled with.

In time of deep needs, suffering people often want others to take care of them, to relief them of their burden, and it becomes increasingly harder to resist the urge to do so. No one can take the burden of anyone else. No one can heal anyone.

I am not so sure, even almost 2 weeks later, how much this lesson is learned. I think it is probably a lesson that needs to be learned over and over until love becomes so strong that there is no more need to save the one who is suffering.

Maybe we are so scared of seeing pain that we just want it to stop and forget how much pain is a strong motivator  to propulse us to new heights. Depriving someone to feel that strenght, isn't it wrong? Isn't it imposing on them what we think should be best for them?

Finding the balance between compassion and action becomes even more of an objective.